Bill's Village

I've been in Santa Barbara since Monday. I've met with many people and have put several things in place to support my dad, Bill. I am grateful for this community of support made up of my dad's dear friends -- whose dedication, caring, and service are making it possible for him to continue to live in his home.

A bit of background, which I will not belabor: More than a year ago, with the help of several close friends and relatives, I worked on an application for Bill to reside at the California Veteran's Home in Yountville. This seemed like a good option that would provide affordable housing and "assisted living" for my dad in a location near the Bay Area, where I live.

More than a year after submitting the application -- an arduous process involving the preparation of forms, getting doctors to fill out forms, and limited communication with the Yountville Admissions Office, Bill received a call early this winter to say that there was a space at Yountville, and could he come up for an assessment appointment?

So, in February 2018, I drove down to SB to pick up Bill and take him to Yountville for this appointment. We spent half a day there, where he was evaluated by a physician, a psychologist, a physical therapist, and an occupational therapist. We met with Admissions staff, who explained how the financial arrangements would work, and we received a tour of the sprawling, bucolic campus. We ate lunch in the dining commons. We toured "Eisenhower," the "Intermediate Care Facility" building in which one of our Admissions hosts guessed that Bill would be placed.

After that visit, Bill took Amtrak home and thought about what he had seen and what he had learned. In a nutshell, the picture of life at Yountville was not appealing to Bill; he did not like the hospital-esque setting in a shared room with only a curtain between the two beds. Space was severely limited. While I tried to paint a rosier picture of what life at Yountville might be like (the bedroom is where you sleep and there are so many other places to go and things to do on the campus!), I was not able to convince my dad that this would be a pleasant setting to spend the rest of his days.

Some communications happened -- both in SB and in Oakland (among my own support community) -- and it eventually became clear that Bill did NOT want to go to Yountville. He had not said so to me firmly because he felt bad about changing his mind after all of my efforts getting him admitted.  Indeed, I felt pretty deflated and angry upon hearing Bill's change of plans, and tried hard to convince him that he might TRY Yountville for 60 days (a trial period, with nothing to lose -- he could come back home if he didn't like it). But, no dice. So, the decision was made: Bill would not go into an assisted living facility; he would continue to age in place at his home in Santa Barbara.

This is where we are now. But now there is so much support in place! This week alone we have accomplished the following:

1. Met with a lawyer about Bill's estate plans (putting El Zoco into a trust and preparing accompanying estate planning documents).
2. Talked to Mark Watson, a Fiduciary based in SB, whose services Bill/Tara will continue to employ to work on tasks like getting Bill re-admitted to Medi-Cal so that he can receive benefits, such as In Home Support Services.
3. Bought Bill a new full-size bed so that he will have an easier time making his bed by himself. 
4. And other stuff that shall remain confidential for now.

What I have learned this week: Bill values his independence and autonomy more than safety. Yountville was a "safe" option, that is, guaranteed health care, eventual nursing care, and affordability for the rest of his life. But, all of that security would come at a great price: the loss of Bill's home (which would be sold and assets protected), his own personal space, his beloved town of Santa Barbara, his many dear friends,  and his independence. The price of such a loss would have been great and would have, in effect, made life not worth living.

So, now begins a new adventure. Stay tuned for updates, wins, losses, and everything in between. 

I am sharing this blog with those who love and care for Bill the most. I encourage you to comment and keep me posted on what's going on in SB when I'm not here. And please be in touch via phone or email should anything urgent come up. I am deeply invested in caring for my dad's well being and you are my eyes and ears and boots on the ground. 

I value all of you; you are Bill's "village" and I could not support my dad in sustaining a decent quality of life without you.

For this I thank you.

Tara